So I was inhaling my lunch when I saw this article on Washington Post about how our First Lady person was caught in the act getting a burger, fries and shake at a Shake Shack and OMG OMG OMG how could she? Of course that's very silly, the woman probably works out three hours a day and therefore can eat whatever the hell she feels like, but what really struck me were some of the comments from what I assume are conservative readers. My favorites:

Have you seen her from behind? Have your seen her ridiculous "don't look at my FUPA high-belt dresses and blouses?

Woman is fat, yo.

~~~~~

She Gorgeous? Svelt? Works out studiously?
Oh my god, I hope you're trying to be funny or something?
What is this? The emperor has no clothes?

She's in fact, 100% factually big, fat, lazy, loud mouth, hypocritical, and classless.....need I go on? These are hard cold facts, not some magical thinking!

~~~~~

You didn't notice she's fat and that she made herself the national spokeswoman for being fit. I didn't do that, she did. Are you people that blind and did you not know the point of the story is that she made herself the National Spokesperson for fitness. Yes she's black and fat, but not fat because she's black. So your going to call someone racist since they say someone is fat when they are? What does that have to do with her being black? I wouldn't even mention her being fat if she didn't "Make Herself" the "National Spokesperson" for being fit. Your the name caller here. You need to get informed and also open your eyes and you will understand the point of the story. Or have you all been brainwashed by the mass media?

~~~~~

She looks like she awakens at 4:00 am to eat a dozen donuts and a super sized frapachino. It really is amazing to me how the media has sold Ms Obama as beautiful, fit, nice, elegant and classy, when if fact she is none of these. The emperor does in fact have no clothes people! Wake up for god sake, can you really be that stupid? I surely hope not!

~~~~~

Papa Fritz. Your referring to Michelle Obama? Either your joking or you must wight 500 lbs. She only has a Maters in Black Studies, wow what an accomplishment. I have three university degrees including MBA all from top schools you crack head, so put that in your pipe and smoke it. Maybe you're black your being the racist by being partial and overlooking the fact that she's just a low class pig.

As far as woman go, I've date, (I mean gotten together with if you know what I mean) over 200 woman in my lifetime and most looked as good as the models in Victoria Secret. Ok maybe my standards don't make room for someone that looks like Michelle Obama, but to say she is elegant, fit beautiful is wishful thinking. Papa Fritz? That sure sound like a cutesy nick name for a very obese man.

~~~~~

Oh, Yes, Michelle looks like she works out a lot...maybe a workout is lifting those fries to her mouth and chomping on those ice cream cones



So as you can see, some people are really keepin' it classy! Wow. I bet their mamas are really proud of them!

Now let me be honest. Michelle Obama isn't really my type, but to say she's fat or ugly (or bossy) is extremely absurd. I was going to post some pictures, but just go google that instead. Look at any picture with her exposed arms. Our First Lady probably pwns the bench press several times a week. Sure, she's got some curves, but that doesn't mean she's fat! Anyway, dudes like curves. Obviously our President does.

As for the commenters listed above, I'm sure they get a good workout buzzing around in their Hoverounds and scarfing down Twinkies. Oh, and the guy who says he has three university degrees? What kind of degree do you have if you can't tell the difference between "you're" and "your"? AMIRITE

T-PAW II OUT

Today I got up bright and early to work out, which is something I really enjoy once I'm into it but getting me to that point takes an act of Congress. Okay, not really an act of Congress because honestly it would never survive the filibusters, but it takes a lot, especially after drankin' plenty last night, which is something I tend to do on a nightly basis. Sometime around 11:15 last night when I was doing my third vodka shot chased by my sixth beer, I thought, hey, wasn't I going to meet my friend to lift weights at 7:00 tomorrow, and wasn't I planning on doing cardio first? And then I was like, well yes, yes I was planning on that. Maybe I should go to bed! So I did.

I didn't do quite as much cardio as I wanted to since I didn't get up until like 6:20 this morning. I got onto the treadmill at the gym at like 6:45 and got a mile in, then we lifted, then I did another mile on the treadmill, and then I had to rush home to shower, dress and go to work. Have you ever been in a hurry after a workout, and no matter what you do, you keep sweating profusely for hours? That's so annoying. I mean, it was nearly an hour after my workout, I was showered and dressed, and sweat is still like pouring out of my pores. So annoying! I went to a baseball game last week after a workout, and the same thing was happening. I bet people thought I had been snorting coke or something!

The other thing that's somewhat annoying about working out is that afterwards I'm freaking famished for the next like 36 hours. It's like, um, I'm working out so I get rid of my fat, but then I see food and I'm all like NOM NOM NOM NOM. For serious. NOM NOM NOM NOM. Today I'm trying to make it healthy food like fruit and oatmeal and stuff but goddammit if a pizza or burrito or something doesn't sound absolutely delicious right about now! I'm all ready for lunch and it's freaking ten in the morning. Working out makes you eat at times really old people eat!

T-Paw back to break 'em off somethin'!

So I had this whole big post written up, or mostly written up, and then the power went POOF and I lost it all! Dammit. It was a good one, too! Actually, when the power went out, it was really weird because I'm at work and everything just went dark, and at first I really felt like I had passed out or potentially died or something! So anyway I need to go get some caffeine, and I'll be right back.

Okay, I'm back. I went to the soda machine to get a cold tea, so I was expecting some of that lemon-flavored sugar water from Lipton or something, but all they have is "Citrus Green Tea". I've had it before, it's not bad, but I really wanted like that Lipton or Nestea or Snapple-type black tea. Ah well, so I got the green tea, and the bottle got stuck in the machine. I tried rocking the machine a little but didn't want to die from the thing falling on me like some firefighter cold stone dying at a baseball game, so I put in another $1.35 and ended up with two teas. I'm just going to drink one right now. But yeah. If you want a diet citrus green tea, come on over to my cubicle, okay?

Anyway so it's storming like something fierce outside right now. The color of the sky goes from darkest night (it's 2pm, yo) to like rainforest green. It looks like the apocalypse! Maybe the world is ending. Okay not really.

Now go read this insane article...
http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2011/07/07/700-pound-woman-makes-a-career-out-of-eating-a-lot/?a_dgi=aolshare_facebook

But you know what, I just started this journal, so that's how I'm gonna roll here on the 11th of July. So far I've had a good topic for each post, and I've thoroughly delved into each. I think my post about fanfic was probably the best one, since I discussed fanfic in great detail, wouldn't you say?

(What?)

Anyway, I guess since there are a lot of political things going on, I should delve into politics some. Yeah, I know, not everyone's cup of tea, but hey, we're here for the lulz, so maybe it won't be so bad?

My political beliefs and what I find interesting politically don't always match. I'm pretty liberal on most things, but I do have to admit that having a President Bachmann might be good for the lulz. I mean, George W. Bush was GREAT for the lulz, and nothing bad happened then AMIRITE?

(What?)

I like Barack Obama, he seems like he really wants to do the right thing, but lately he's been pretty boring. Not as boring as T-Paw, but pretty boring.

Speaking of which, since my name is Tongue Punch and those there are the same initials as Tim Pawlenty, I think it's perfectly acceptable if y'all just call me T-Paw as well. Whatchoo think?

T-Paw out! For now. See you in a few minutes.

Okay so today I had Taco Bell for lunch. I don't really know many people who actually eat at Taco Bell. I think they must find it way below them and they'd rather rock it at Chipotle or something along that "high-end fast food" line. But that's cool. I still go to Taco Bell.

I was watching commercials on YouTube (because I'm a loser) of the really-old variety and found the old school early 1980s Taco Bell commercials to be pretty intriguing. Apparently Taco Bell WAS that sort of high-end fast food back then, and it has slowly deteriorated into its current form over the years. Like, you could get an "enchirito", which looks like an enchilada but made with a flour tortilla instead of a corn tortilla. They even topped it off with a goddamn slice of black olive! Hot-cha! That's some fancy eatin', doncha think?

There are no longer enchiritos or even black olives at Taco Bell, as far as I know. Now it's your choice of eight different ingredients in a variety of tortilla products, such as flour tortillas, fried corn tortillas, fried corn tortilla chips, fried flour tortillas, and thick flour tortillas, either fried or not fried. But you want it fried because you're an American, dammit! *cue Lee Greenwood song here* What's more American than eating fried tortilla products stuffed with meat, cheese and sour cream? NOTHING, that's what!

Anyway I ate my lunch at my desk and made a big mess, but fortunately didn't get it on my clothes. That's good. I hate looking like a freaking piggy fatass loser messy person. I mean, I still look like a fatass and a loser, and sort of like a person, but I don't want to look like the rest of that.

Speaking of freaking piggy fatass loser messy persons, there are YouTube videos on YouTube where you can watch people stone cold eating Taco Bell. Like, here, I just ordered a big meal at Taco Bell and now I'm going to eat it in my car with the camera rolling, and you're going to watch. Okay. What kind of loser watches this stuff? Wait, I watched some of it. Hrm. I'll get back to you on that.

But what's even more interesting is the guy on YouTube who eats like 40 pizza rolls in like 2 minutes or something. It is one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen. Now the kid is trying to lose weight and get onto the Biggest Loser. At his fattest, I thought he was going to die at any second, and his face was full of horrible acne. Now he's losing weight and the acne is going away, and he sounds like he can kinda breathe now. So that's good. Good on you, former pizza roll king! Let that skinny Japanese guy who eats all the hot dogs do that stuff.

So I don't get it. It seems like there's a lot of fanfic stuff going on here. What is up with that? Why do people do that? I mean, that's fine, however you want to spend your spare time is fine by me.

I do silly things in my spare time. One of my favorites is trolling the cnn.com comments posing as an ultra-freaky hardcore 70-year-old teapartier who thinks anyone with a (D) by their name is committing treason. His name is reagan1776. I kind of know someone who is almost exactly like that except my alter-ego is 70 years old whereas this dude is about to turn 67. It sometimes gets really old, though, commenting "why do you hate America?" like 47 times a day. It's great because it annoys everyone. It annoys right-wing people because they're probably thinking this dude is stone cold misrepresentin' them and making them look dumber (yay!), and left-wing people just think he's yet another misinformed idiot and deserves to be told what's what. Everyone loses, ergo I win! AMIRITE

Another troll activity I used to participate in but haven't partaken in quite awhile is trolling on the Rachael Ray site as a really fat, clueless dude from SoCal named Chichy Su. He thinks he likes to cook but in fact is really bad at it. He loves recipes but always makes substitutions, sometimes very poorly. Any added fat in a recipe is substituted, for instance, with "manteca", which is Spanish for "lard". Delicious. Anything fresh is substituted with something dried, canned, or, if necessary, frozen. Since the Rachael Ray people kind of caught onto me (unlike CNN, who really can't tell the difference between my trolling and real far-right-wing crazies) maybe I will post here in my journal as that alter-ego sometime. You might like it.

CAVEAT! I will not now nor ever troll public places here on IJ or other people's IJs. That is not my intention, I will never do it. To me there's a line between fun and rudeness. Maybe my line is different than others but that's mine. I'm here for fun, not for being a jerk. I mean, I'll be a jerk right here in my IJ, but not outside of here. So that's my caveat to all of my future readers since right now I have none. After all, this is only my second post and I created this journal about 10 or 15 minutes ago.

Okay, yeah, so fanfic, what's up with that?

Okay, hi, I'm here! Do people use InsaneJournal? Is it fun? I used to be on another service that uses the same software. You can probably guess which one. It was okay for awhile but then it got lame. I think the problem is that my journal was lame, and no one wanted to bother to read it.

The same thing will probably happen here, but at the very least I hope to go down in a blaze of pathetic glory. I'm thinking of just posting my stream-of-consciousness thoughts as they happen in real time ZOMG even when it's stupid or offensive or something else that someone out there may or may not like.

One subject that will probably come up a lot is politics. I follow politics a lot even though it pretty much makes me really mad. Mad mad mad. I will probably die young because I pay attention and get really pissed off and then my blood pressure spikes.

Then again who the hell wants to read about politics? Politics are so lame. Seriously. Maybe it would be more interesting to talk about my bowel movements.

Speaking of which, that happened to me twice yesterday and usually I'm a one-time-a-day kinda dude. It didn't feel very nice. I guess it could have been the PBR on draft that I drank at a party on Saturday night. Or is that a myth? Does draft beer hurt your butt more than canned and/or bottled beer? Or is it bad beer that hurts more than good beer? Or maybe it's both and they worked together in an evil alliance to make my rectal lining bleed.